3 hours ago
It is so tiring having the kind of heart that melts for those who show it even a little bit of love. It is so tiring trying to break down the stone walls that belong to others when your own soul craves to be held. It is so tiring constantly justifying other people’s ill-treatment of you, just because you’re a soft person, just because you think that you understand why they’re doing this, just because you think that maybe with your warmth you can change them. It is so tiring carrying your heart on your sleeve, as though it weren’t the most prized possession that you hold, as though it isn’t the most beautiful jewel that others need to earn before they can reach it, as though your heart isn’t already fragmented and torn by those who came and left before. It is so tiring being affected by other people more than needed, and for breaking, for hurting, for shattering time and time again - just because you wanted to help, just because you thought they had some hope left within them, just because they said things insinuating that they needed you, that they wanted you. It is so tiring trying to heal others when you’re the one who needs to lean on the wall of strength and light in order to journey forward, when you’re the one who has experienced more than words can fathom, when you’re the one who needs to keep going, to keep healing, and to keep smiling. And it is so tiring, believe me, it is so tiring feeling things this deeply all the time when all you wish for is to shut off for a little while. When all you pray for is a little bit of solace from the pain. Because it is so tiring, believe me, it really is so tiring.