4 hours ago
Woke up feeling so angry, depressed, resentful today...about family. Angry at myself. My health. Just feel so resentful i wanna explode😡 the mask is to hide my pain. We all do this to cover our emotions.
we learn not to hold on to that shit in the program, but this week has been a roller coster of emotions. From the realization of how deep my daughters addiction is to my moms passing almost 10ys ago then add the 30+ yrs of collected physical and emotional, sexual abuse in between all that. It all flooded me this morning. I drank and used to get thru it all. A temporary bandaid. To come to terms i am sick mentally, emotionally, physically fucking sucks ballz.. So many pills..i hate them. I share the fuck out of this bs and i still feel like theres no closure..physically I'll mend to the best of my body's ability. Finding my joy and keeping it has been a bit more challenging. Depressed because I deeply desire family but really dont have that outside of my fellowship. Being co-dependant, having low selfworth, i do esteemable acts daily...not to boast about them so i can feel better about my fucked up self. I enjoy the giving. But like any drug, its a temporary high. Then i burn out. So the question i had to ask myself...what am i still running from. 💁
#meetings #online #getit #whereican #stuck #needmyjoyback #addictionsucks #feellikeshit #depression #medicationdontdomuch #domesticviolencesurvivor #abusesurvivor #iwillmakeit #onedayatatime #justamoment #justbreathe #ingodshands #keeponkeepingon #askingforsolutions #solutions #needsome #openminded #willingness