3 hours ago
tw: murder, death of a grandparent, grief talk
a year ago today, i reconnected with my father's side of the family. i met my brother for the 1st time in ~23 years. i saw my grandma for the first & last time since my father was alive. he was murdered in 1999 -- shot 5x; bled to death in the same hospital his kids were born in. my grandma died a few months after we saw her -- she was sick. running mouths say she disowned my side of the fam one last time after we met & before she passed.
current emotions? #rekt #furious #smh #petty #uglycryin
but also #grateful that my brother reached out -- that interrupts the cycle of separation. at least the living were gathered one last time with no beef, if only for that night. at least descendants weren't punished for the decisions of ancestors for just that day.
blehhh. no wonder a bxh dissociates -- sometimes life is too real. normally i don't talk about this to anyone bc it feels completely unrelatable. music is such sweet water tho -- the lil girl on this song helped me hear a version of my suppressed feelings for the first time. i still wanna fight/reconcile with dead people. but i guess i don't feel so alone about it anymore.