4 hours ago
If you’ve ever tried steering a grocery cart with wheels that are set askew, you have an idea of how difficult it is for me get my brain to glide forward in a smooth, orderly fashion. ⚫️
I have a predisposition to mentally veer to a place of “what’s coming for me next?” ⚫️
This is the aftermath of years of constant psychological and physical trauma as a kid.
I recently wrote out a list of everything I saw, felt, and heard as a child, that no human - let alone child - should have to endure. ⚫️
I had an ENORMOUS “wow” feeling after reading the list last week. I was struck with how frickin’ much I have overcome to be firing on all cylinders - well, most days, LOL - as a successful, imperfect adult, who works for themself in one of the world’s most expensive cities, is debt free, sober for a decade, and can solve the majority of life’s problems (with help!). ⚫️
That. 👏IS. 👏HUGE. 👏
I’m embarking on a new journey - the journey of leveling up my marketing and my self worth and my income. I have shied away from this topic for a while. But, just as I have honored my desire to have a GREAT physique — not just a good one — I am no longer okay not being sure if I will save, break even, or lose some savings on any given month. I’m capable of SO. MUCH. MORE. ⚫️
Part of me says “GURL YOU ARE TOO DAMN OLD, GURL BYE, GOOD LUCK HON, YOU SHOULD JUST STAY IN YOUR LANE BABES, YOU’RE ALIVE AND DOING PRETTY DECENT, STAY WITH WHAT YOU KNOW.” And another part of me, more foreign, but growing stronger every day, says in response, “THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT, GURL #1 , BUT YOUR GIRL BRANDEN IS REALLY FUCKING TALENTED AND HAS HAD CELEBRITY CLIENTS WHO LOVE HIM AND THERE’S NO REASON HE SHOULD KEEP MIDDLING AROUND LIKE THIS. HE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE, AND SO DO ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO NEED HIS HELP THAT HE ISN’T CURRENTLY REACHING.”
Can I hear it in the back for voice #2 ? ⚫️
But, in the midst of my efforts to grow, I want to never forget that ah-ha moment I had after reviewing my trauma list (which took several months to write, as it was emotionally exhausting). 💜 I am already enough. ❤️ I am already a success. 💚 I am already a survivor, a warrior … beautiful.