1 day ago
Break ups are so crappy. You have all of my empathy if you’re going through one now. They suck. Here are some things I learnt from my last one:
1) Nothing is set
I mean by this that nothing is certain and future plans are not secure. You can hope for something but there is no guarantee it will come to fruition. I used to while away hours of my time thinking about my future with my partner. But a break up ends the potential of those fantasies. It taught me that being present and enjoying what is current is much better than longing for a certain outcome. I’ve actually stopped planning my future entirely. I’ll just see what happens.
2) You will survive on your own. .
I was so grief-stricken that I was sick for days. It can be easy to start believing that you Need the other person. That you depend on them or that all the good parts of you are attached to them. But it’s not true. You learned this, which means you can unlearn it. This part can be very painful, but it’s the most rewarding. .
3) The Rediscovery of Friendship Love.
Friendships’ll save your life. There is nothing more nurturing or wholesome than true friendships. Because there isn’t a hidden agenda when your friends are helping you to become your full self. They just want you to be happy. There’s also a reason you’re friends: they’re fun, you have things in common, they make you feel good about yourself. Friendships give me the most joy in my life. .
4) Everyone has baggage and needs counselling.
Yep. That’s basically it. Go find a counsellor you click with and actually respect. Sort your crap out. It’s not impressive to be emotionally unavailable or unengaged. And future partners aren’t therapists. Also loads of us have experienced trauma. Benefiting from professional support doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart and proactive. Just go. .
5) Pulling Through Difficult Times Results in Growth.
Every time you make it through a difficult period of change, or uncomfortable learning you are growing as a person. (Depending on how you choose to cope with your circumstances). You become more resilient, more wise, more discerning, more grateful, more present, more compassionate. But get therapy!