22 minutes ago
Winning bouts and belts mean quite a bit of course but its not everything. The real question is not how many belts, trophies, medals or wins I have. Do I really have what it takes to be a 'real' champion? The best way to test yourself is to fight another champion and last weekend, I lost.
It is my responsibility to educate the judges, show the judges I'm worthy of getting the win, by my performance, my energy, my results. My mind and body were just not in the game and I took too long to get my engine started. Took me a few days to process my emotions and feelings after, breaking down a few days later, feeling lousy and worthless wondering if I can ever do anything right. What was I good at really? Beating myself up probably... After a night of just pouring out my emotions, I remembered what was the one thing I know I loved truly... The ring.. It was my happy place and I feel alive fighting in that box, feeling my body, mind and soul align.
Sometimes in the ring though, I feel my soul being teared apart, not by my opponent, but by myself because I was not giving it my all and that's the worst. Self doubt tore my soul slowly as the seconds ticked by in each round. I forgot how to dance. Fighting is like dancing. When u hit the stage and the bell rings, there is no stopping. You have to utilise the energy from the crowd looking at your every movement and own the moment. You can interpret that energy as pressure or inspiration. If u tap into that as inspiration, that's when dancing feels effortless.
I love dancing in the ring. Even though I lost, my fire has been reignited. I know I'll get better and the only way forward is up :) #FightingIsMyLife #FemaleFighter #SG #Fighter #Superpower #FighterWhoBakes #Muay Thai #TravelToFight #MartialArts #DreamBig #FemaleFighter #GirlPower