19 hours ago
My dad sometimes talks about how when I was born I fit in just one hand, from his finger tips to his palm. I was reminded of that yesterday when I came across an article that sort of shocked me. It talked about the FDA approval of a device used in preemies. I'm one of the preemie guinea pigs that tried out this device when it wasn't yet FDA approved. I had it implanted when I was 19 and there weren't many who had it yet. I don't know if it's done me good, but it took away doctor's concerns that I might get an infection in my heart. There were so many lead-up and follow-up appointments...lot of stress, anxiety, and fear that went along with it. But I hope it helps future little ones. If it does, then I can say my struggle was worth it. That's the heart of it, the nugget of concrete happiness tucked away in hardship. I've found the same with other chronic conditions. I struggle until I find answers, and when I find answers I try my best to blast them out into the world, so that others don't have to stumble through it all the way I have. I thank others who've come before, or who walk alongside me, and have done/are doing the same, to my own benefit. And I am grateful for the loving hands that have supported me along the way. In short: we seek love, we find love, we spread love. I went to an energy healer a couple years after this surgery. As she was talking she waved her hands in the air in front of me. Mid-sentence she stopped and asked, "Do you have something in your heart?" Um, why yes I do! "I thought so," she responded, and went on totally unphased with what she'd been previously talking about. I've wondered about this devise nestled in my heart over the years. Is it doing harm I don't know about? Or has it helped me in untold ways? I'm sure anyone with chronic illness or implanted medical objects will understand this cycling of thought. For me, between this article now, and that energy session years ago, it's as if I'm being sent the message: It's there. It's okay. Let's move on. Today is a period to the end of this particular story. On to the next... For my full post, see link in comments or bio.