6 hours ago
✧Vulnerable Post ✧
First off just want to say I’m so appreciative of you all and this space. I miss some of you dearly and wish I could pour you all a tequila shot whenever you need it. Perhaps I’ll pour myself one too, haha.
Life has been feeling rough lately.
I’ve been riding some highs and some epic lows. Lots of self-inflicted pressure and guilt and doubt, imposter syndrome, hormonal crying, even some rage and anger (I’m learning to let it actually process in a healthy way vs. shutting it down. Feels great. Gentle souls get angry too)
This journey or whatever I’m on is not one I expected.
I didn’t ask for it.
It found me and I’m grateful for that. So deeply grateful it chose me.
But I would be lying if I said it was all a walk on the beach.
Sometimes I think of myself 10 years into the future and I bring her next to me. She’s not much different than I am now. She’s actually extremely similar. Jeans and a T-shirt.
Long brown hair.
Lots of mascara.
Her shoulders are more open and secure though.
I ask her for advice and she always tells me to keep going.
Wtf future me.
I need more answers!
But I know she’s right.
Keep going not for the sake of an end goal or a result, but for the sake of the growth and the awe filled magical moments and the depths to which I experience my humanness.
This is the point of my living.
It’s really scary.
But when I cry and blow out all of my boogers onto a tissue,
And when nick kisses my forehead,
I know it’s not purpose-less.
I wouldn’t choose any other way.
I wouldn’t live this life any other way than right where I’m at now.
All of the failures, transformation, stretching and expanding.
It’s all worth it.
Sometimes my brain tells me I’m not worth it.
My spirit knows that I am.
And sometimes, times like right now.
It’s all about breathing deep, letting go of every part I’m gripping and holding on to, and letting her take the wheel.
I share this to share and open my heart but also to speak to you and your heart.
Growing ain’t easy.
It’s kinda like potato chips.
Once you start, you can’t just have a little bit.
You go for the whole bag!