2 weeks ago
Don't mind the eyepatch. I decided I wanted to be a pirate. Arrrgh matey!
Damn. I feel like a hypocrite.
I disappeared for over a month. And my absence had been greatly exaggerated.
You see, I fell into a full blown mental breakdown - the strongest I've ever endured, and amongst other things that had occurred along with it, which I have chosen to not divulge on here.
Anyway, I fell into a despair of which I lost all strength and faith to swim back ashore. The thoughts of suicide became more and more aggressive and I was slowly accepting the idea of a sweet release.
I did try to reach out, However some I reached out, I called and messeged in the middle of the night - I was greeted with silence...and some of these were "supporters of mental health," preached and spread posts on "I'm here for you. You're not alone." Those sorts of nonsense. I guess the statement is selective.
This whole month had taught me a new lesson. Not everyone truly gives a damn about your mental health or suicide awareness - and often those who preach on about it are often the biggest culprits.
I fought through my breakdown despite the disadvantages.
"Damn it!" I thought. Why can I not heal? Why is this prolonging? It never lasted this long. I prayed...Oh I prayed more than I have ever done in my whole life.
The Depression whispered "There is no God, no heaven. There is only remission and relapse." I felt a powerful punch connected my cheeks and the force of it pushed me back against a wall.
Your mind just gets warped and you're lost to it.
I am healing now. Slowly. I got help. Thing is, when you find yourself in hell, you gotta fight. You gotta keep fighting. Even if you want to throw yourself off that ledge. You keep fighting.
It's okay to not be fine, it just means your story isn't finished yet.
Always keep fighting.
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