7 hours ago
Ughhh, I don't even know what to tell. Yupp that is me, miss super indecisive. But guess what life doesn't always give you enough time to go through your choices, analyze your options, sit through and choose one. Life throws reality at U.
Life happened to me too. It threw me into a proverbial ditch. The said ditch unfortunately for me had multiple levels too. Every time I tried to climb out of it, it pushed me back deeper. Soon I was tired of it. I gave up. I went into a negative spiral. Eat, sleep, bunk classes, binge watch TV shows, repeat. It became easy to lie to my family that I actually went to classes when in reality I slept at what 5 am. My grades went down, I grew fat, I went into depression and panic attacks were common. People started leaving, they grew tired of me wallowing in misery. My immunity had gone into an all time low because of the antibiotics for my treatment for 2 years. Well, I didn't car. I hogged like a pig, fell sick, went to hospital and took more meds. Imagine me deciding that nothing mattered anymore, ordering food for like 3 people and eating in my hostel room alone. I prepped for exams on the morning the exam was to be.
I sure hated myself but I chose the easy way out because I had decided my life wouldn't improve even if I tried anyways. Enter the people who changed my life for good. They were always there but that time, they butted their ways head first and didn't let me do shit anymore. They made me put effort, they gave me deadlines, sat me, listened to me when I was out of it and kicked my lazy bum into gear 10 mins later.
You know what I learnt? I don't need to see the top of the mountain that stands across the ditch. I only need to see where I was yesterday and where I am now. Get better, one day at a time. I am still fat, I still hate going to classes but heck I try go to atleast. My grades aren't the best but they do seem better than the previous semester. I put my wayward mind into music or poetry or my everyday new fancy be it belly dance, guitar, interior designing, stand up, basketball or even sorting my room. I am still a mess but I try to decrease that entropy(refer thermodynamics). #life