14 hours ago
i have many a qualification, one could say i was addicted to getting degrees and certifications for 15 years... and i’d be lying if i didn’t say i checked people’s qualifications... and still i’d say what makes me most qualified is the wars i’ve lived through... the battles i made my way through, the disorders, addictions and diseases i’ve let go of and healed, that most qualify me to be an expert of any sort. someone said on my FB post yesterday, “now this is another journey you will understand,” and tears came easily... sweet, almost happy knowing tears. it feels true. this isn’t something i understood... you see i have never felt helpless... powerless to my eating disorder or consumed by my addictions, sure... but not ever helpless to get up and move, leave, run away... yes at least i could always run away... i had my two strong legs and able arms... a mind committed to understanding that lives on learning... i just always had those things... and i know it will return, i should be fine here... but it’s true this is now a new journey i get to know intimately. and this is where everything i do in the world comes from... it comes from me knowing, living something.
to be frank, i feel quite broken right now... not just in the foot, but in the heart. this time my heart took its hardest hit... it just has less impact, because i know a similar pain from before. it’s often the shock and the newness that make a feeling most terrifying... the where did this come from and what is it and when will it end... can make a perfectly sane person feel crazy. i have felt nuts this last month as endless disturbing news has crashed in, completely reorganizing my reality. and it’s been good in a most painful way... especially so soon after feeling so good.
humble rinse and repeat. i think i got this lesson this time... and now to the heavy lifting i must do.... the lifting i have been dreading, strategically avoiding... but it’s time and it’s right... after all, this is the way this of us who have been broken become experts at mending... ❤️ @emilyjoyrosen @the.secret.keepers @the.empowered.woman @eatingpsychology #couragemylove #justwakingup #findthelight