10 hours ago
VULNERABLE POST AHEAD:
This is a picture from our 20 week ultrasound. It has taken me literally a week to work up the courage to post this, but I guess there’s a baby in there!! 😳😳😳 I have looked at this photo about 100 times since last Tuesday just to make sure it’s real. Even still, I’ve been anxiously holding my breath until I was able to talk to a doctor to reassure me that everything looked normal and healthy. And honestly, I’m still waiting for something bad to happen.
You see, I had a miscarriage in February before I conceived this child and I am SCARRED. My reality has been shattered. How could this happen to me? And why? It was absolutely devastating. And painful—both physically and emotionally. I cried for days and felt like a total failure.
After having the carpet ripped out from under me like that, it has been incredibly difficult to move on. I’ve been a bundle of nerves for months (ask my husband). Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited for this baby, and so blessed with this pregnancy, but I’m equally terrified. I guess it’s a self-preservation thing.
I wanted to write this post for anyone who has suffered a miscarriage and feels lost in despair. I wish I could say you forget about it. I’m still terrified every day and think I probably will be until I hear this sweet baby’s first cry. But I’m really trying to enjoy this experience and embrace the miracle that is happening inside my body. Every day is a day closer to meeting our perfect tiny human. We can’t wait to shower you with love, our little rainbow baby! 🌈 🌈 🌈