Postpartum life is such an odd mix of immense joy and slight tribulation.
I spent so much of my pregnancy nervously watching my belly swell and planning for how life would be once the baby was out.
I figured my body would quickly return to normal and I'd easily introduce the baby to my active lifestyle. Since I had so much 'time off to enjoy', I was going to be productive and accomplish a long list of goals.
In so many ways, what I believed would happen in postpartum was wrong.
That belief of snapping back into my old shape (because of course it would, I worked out all pregnancy!) just wasn't true. Three months on, if my clothes aren't made of lycra they still won't fit.
Getting active takes way more effort now than ever before.
Family walks in January were few and far between as exteme cold weather and frost bite warnings meant we couldn't take our daughter outside.
In an attempt to get some exercise, I signed up for mom and me workout classes. Some days I worked up a sweat but most days ended up essentially being me breastfeeding for half the class to calm my screaming child while others worked out around me.
Productivity wise, it is a constant challenge. Whatever sleep I get, never seems enough. I'm not exactly a walking zombie but some days I feel close.
I have forgotten what alone time feels like but I have mastered completing tasks one handed while cuddling or in a mad dash during the brief nap times throughout the day.
The last three months has me realizing that motherhood has a bigger learning curve than I could have ever imagined.
It is an odd time in my life. But overall is good as there are plenty of moments of joy and I know that the best times are on their way. The never ending snuggles right now that hurt my back and arms will be the part I look back on and smile about. I won't care that for three months my hair was always messy, my clothes usually had spit up stains on them and I was nearly late to every meeting I had.
This is motherhood. A messy and strange journey that I could have never began to understood until I became a mother. And a journey that likely will continue to baffle me every single day to come.